That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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