i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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