her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so let's talk penis.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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