If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
