My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
worst night to have a conscience
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
