i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
