i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
