some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
