Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
