i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
