I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
