Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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