I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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