Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can I color on your dick again?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
