I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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