If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
