So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
