you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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