Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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