I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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