You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
