y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
