I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
not ubering you a puppy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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