There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
