Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
