the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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