I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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