so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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