He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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