i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I faked an abortion last night.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
