U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
