Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
