HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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