dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
