Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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