so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
