im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
