Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
