I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
