It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
