I met the friendliest cop last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
