the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
