Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
