You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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