So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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