i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
