I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
