Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
