Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he laminated a picture of his dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
