Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
