And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
