i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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