I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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